Confidence

Confidence is something that I have always naturally lacked. I didn't come from a great family. On a light note without going into much detail, I was always told how I wasn't ever good enough, how I wasn't ever going to be anything, all the works that usually come with abusive parents. It created this issue where I was down on myself as well, hey, why not? Everyone else spoke negatively about me so why wouldn't I speak just a terribly about myself?
For the longest time, especially in junior high I felt this negative weight on my shoulders due to my lack of confidence. But slowly, and surely, through my sophomore and junior years in high school I began to realize who I was, and exactly where I fit in. In those two years I really began to develop a greater sense of confidence and security in my abilities and who I was. Then, specifically in my senior year of high school I began to step beyond all those walls I had built up and insecurities I lived in to see the truth. Especially in my music I began to excel and do so because of everything that I had been changing and seeing anew.
But my strong level of confidence doesn't always stay by my side. I often have moments where I just check out, and let my doubts grab a hold of me. But in those moments I must realize that I am better than fear. Something I tell myself is that I can do it. However cliche that is. I tell myself that I know this rudiment, I can feel this tempo or feel where that note is supposed to go. I tell myself that I am talented enough, that I was picked to do music outside of high school for a reason, that I am able.
But just as I say these great things there are also negative things that I tend to say. I always look to other musicians and performers and tell myself how great they are and how I'll never be able to amount to such greatness. I tell myself that they are better than I'll ever be. But that has got to go. If I am to succeed, especially in an industry as competitive as the music industry, I have got to wake up and stop saying such negative things about myself and replace them with encouraging ones.